letting go

I can feel myself healing

I can feel myself letting go of you

letting go of your lies

letting go of your harsh words

letting go of us.

I can feel myself accepting that you are not the one for me

Accepting that I didn’t lose you

It’s the exact opposite actually

You lost me.

It’s not my loss anymore.

Because I am an amazing person

I am a person that you tried to destroy

I am a person that you will be upset over losing.

All you were in my life was a book full of warnings.

So,

I didn’t lose you

You lost me.

And you have no one to blame but yourself.

dear dad,

The first one was my first heartbreak

he was the man that was never supposed to leave me.

Him leaving

taught me many things.

When he left

he taught me how to build up walls

so that i could never be hurt like that again.

He taught me that promises can be broken.

He taught me that I couldn’t count on anyone but myself.

And then you came.

You were the best dad.

You were my best friend.

You came into my life when i needed you the most.

You loved me as if i were your own.

In many ways

you were worse than the first one.

You broke down every wall i built.

You made me trust you.

You made me love you.

You promised you would never leave me.

And then you did.

You broke your promise.

And you broke me.

I made myself a promise many years ago.

I promised myself i would never fight for a man to stay in my life when they clearly wanted to leave.

You leaving

hurt a million times worse than the first one

and now

just like him

you don’t get to come back.

Want

I want to run away and hide

I want to forget this pain

The pain of being

Hurt

Abandoned

Unloved

Broken

I don’t want to feel anymore

***

But I guess we don’t always get what we want.

Growing

Growing up

Love felt like a fantasy

Something that only happens in the movies

Something that I thought

I would never feel

Something I had given up on

***

Then I met her

That’s when everything changed

When I am asked

“What is love?”

I smile, and I say

Love is her

<3

I fell in love with the way you view life

The way you smile when you get excited

The way your eyes glow when you look at me

I fell in love with your laugh

How you get hyper when you’re sleepy

Your goofy moods

I fell in love with your dreams

How motivated you are to achieve them

The way that you know what you want in life

I fell in love with the way you touch me

How gentle you are

The way you listen and understand me

I fell in love with everything about you

And I love every second of it