letting go

I can feel myself healing

I can feel myself letting go of you

letting go of your lies

letting go of your harsh words

letting go of us.

I can feel myself accepting that you are not the one for me

Accepting that I didn’t lose you

It’s the exact opposite actually

You lost me.

It’s not my loss anymore.

Because I am an amazing person

I am a person that you tried to destroy

I am a person that you will be upset over losing.

All you were in my life was a book full of warnings.

So,

I didn’t lose you

You lost me.

And you have no one to blame but yourself.

Growing

Growing up

Love felt like a fantasy

Something that only happens in the movies

Something that I thought

I would never feel

Something I had given up on

***

Then I met her

That’s when everything changed

When I am asked

“What is love?”

I smile, and I say

Love is her

<3

I fell in love with the way you view life

The way you smile when you get excited

The way your eyes glow when you look at me

I fell in love with your laugh

How you get hyper when you’re sleepy

Your goofy moods

I fell in love with your dreams

How motivated you are to achieve them

The way that you know what you want in life

I fell in love with the way you touch me

How gentle you are

The way you listen and understand me

I fell in love with everything about you

And I love every second of it

falling

when i am falling part

when it feels like nothing is okay

with one look

you cure me.

how do you do that?

being with you

feels so right

so perfect

so exciting

my only fear is

will you catch me?

loss

After the first day with you I knew

I knew I was going to be happy

For the first time ever

I had never felt that way before

You healed me

I wanted it all with you

Everything about you was so perfect to me

Your bright blue eyes

Your perfect smile

The way my hand fit into yours

The way you kissed me

The way you looked at me

The sound of your voice

There is no other girl that could compare to you

…

And then you left

With no hesitation

You left me

Forcing me back into a pit of darkness

Trying to be okay without you

Trying to put the pieces back together

That you broke

I didn’t just lose a significant other

I lost a friend

Someone that I trusted with everything

Someone I could talk to every day

How am I supposed to forgive you for this?

time

Time. I don’t understand time. How much time should I put into you? I don’t want to give you all my time because you could hurt me. With time comes effort, obviously. So how much of that should I give to you too? Do I make my effort obvious? If I am too obvious then you will know how I feel, and if you don’t feel the same then it would ruin everything we already have. Do I attempt to hide it? I’v been doing that, and I think you know it too. Maybe you don’t know it and I have hidden it so much that you think I am not interested at all and that’s why you put your own time and effort into others. I don’t understand what you want from me or what I want from you. I want you to be happy, but even more I want you to be happy with me. Is that selfish of me? I have been hurt so many times before, I don’t want to go through it all again. If I let myself I could fall so hard for you. But, I don’t know how. How am I supposed to open myself up to you and make my self vulnerable? When is the right time to do that? When is the right time to “man up” and allow you to know what is going on inside my head? When am I supposed to tell you I have never looked at you as just a friend?