I wouldn’t say that I have always been this person that just “knew” that I was gay. I had a lot of boyfriends (or whatever you would call them from the age of 9-15) I don’t think I started having real “gay” thoughts until I was halfway done with my freshman year of high school. It scared me. I didn’t want to be gay, I didn’t want to be different from all of the people around me. So I hid it. I did everything I possibly could to keep the thoughts away. It worked for a long time too.

The thoughts hit me really hard my senior year. I was dating this boy. A perfect boy. A boy that was so smart and so sweet. And I really cared about this boy. But I didn’t love him in the same way that he loved me. I knew that if I couldn’t love him like that, then I would never be able to love with any boy. I knew it was time to face the truth. November 4, 2018. I went to a house party with every intention of telling one of my closest friends the truth. I knew I would have to get drunk to be able to do it, so that is what I did. later that night my friend and I went to the bathroom and sat on the floor to have our normal drunk girl talk. I started crying, not able to get my words out. She told me that anything I had to say wouldn’t matter to her, that she would love me no matter what. so I told her. I told her that I was gay. I will never forget that night, she looked at me with the sweetest look in her eyes. She told me that she didn’t care. She told me that she accepted me and that nothing would ever change between us. That was exactly what I needed to hear at the time. After that night I told all of my close friends about me. None of them cared at all. I was always so scared to come out because I thought that I would lose all of my friends. It was such a relief finally being able to tell people.

A few weeks passed. Still, only my inner circle knew about me. I started talking to this girl from out of town, I had never been so happy. I don’t know what I was expecting. I knew Glasgow was a small town and that words spread fast. But, I never expected it to happen to me. I was outed. A girl that I barely knew found out my secret and she told everyone. I was so scared I didn’t go to school for days. When I finally went to school I noticed that all eyes were on me, it felt like I was walking around naked down my school hallway. Everyone knew my secret. I wasn’t ready yet. I wasn’t ready because I was still trying to figure myself out. It wasn’t long before my family found out either. None of them cared, they assured me that nothing has changed and that they also still love me no matter what. But, it was all just too much. My “relationship’ ended up not working out. Which wasn’t a huge shock to me.

I got a few rude comments from people, but there was always someone around to put those people in their place. Eventually, everything started to work out for me. Being out of the closet was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Not having to constantly lie to the people around me was amazing, and all of my friends were very supportive of me. Still, only the town of Glasgow knew. I play sports, so I traveled a lot. The people I knew through sports still didn’t know so I still had to pretend to be something I wasn’t every once in a while.

I have always felt like having to “come out” was really unfair. None of my friends ever had to sit their parents down and tell them that they liked boys. So why should I have to sit mine down and tell them that I like girls? It all just seemed really extra to me. So I’m kind of grateful for the girl that outed me. I barely had to tell anyone. I just woke up one day and the entire town knew. My only regret is not doing it sooner. If I could go back I would have told my secret the second I started to have the thoughts. Being out and open about myself is amazing. I have never felt happier in my life. I am proud of the person that I am. And that is all that matters.