Today I am sad. But before I get in to that, I will tell you the small victories that i made. my biggest one, I have not cried today. I made it an entire day without crying. This could be because I have spent the majority of my day in bed hungover and sleeping. But I am going to count it anyways! Another victory. I didn’t really try to talk to her. It was hard. But I resisted. I also resisted talking about my heartbreak all day today. This was even harder because of how sad I am, but I did it. I made myself a doctors appointment so that I can get on some anxiety and depression pills. I am also hoping to get some sleeping pills. But I assume that one is a long shot since they could kill me.
Now for why I am sad. I miss the life I had a week ago. Or I guess the life that I thought I had. I have been reading self help shit. And it told me to go look in a mirror and smile. I did that and I saw something I didn’t expect. I recognized the person staring back at me. An old version of me. I saw the pain in my eyes and the bags beneath them. I saw a smile that had no emotion in it. I don’t want to be that person again. I just was to be okay. I am so sick of being sad. Which brings me to my existing question. How the hell do I fall out of love with this girl? I keep looking at the 11:11 tattoo on my arm. I got it so that I could make a wish whenever I want. That is my wish. I want to forget the last two years. I want to go back in time and stay in Williston. It’s hard to say that because of all of the amazing memories that I had with her. But now all of those memories only bring me pain.
I go back to work tomorrow so maybe that will be great for me. I will stay busy all day.
Me vs small town 