make a wish

hi, it’s been a really long time. today is my 21st birthday and i’m not doing very well. My girlfriend of two years broke up with me. For me it was very out of the blue and I did not see it coming. this was just 5 days ago. to hear someone you are so in love with repeatedly look at you and say “i’m not in love with you anymore” hurts. it is the worst pain I have ever felt. My whole future just exploded in my face. this was the girl that i was going to marry, spend the rest of my life with, have kids with. I am so in love with her it hurts. i saw something on tiktok today that said ” I was so afraid losing you until i realized that you never really belonged to me. because even though my heart was with you, yours was with everything else” and that really hit me. I have always kind of had this feeling that I loved her so much more than she loved me. that’s not a shot at her or anything. but that is how i feel. Right now the loss of her is so painful. i would love to wake up tomorrow and not love her. i would love to be able to eat or drink something. my body needs it really badly. it needs to sleep too. i don’t know how to deal with a heart break. i never expected this. i wasn’t prepared. but i guess that is how breakups go. they are sudden and abrupt. i just worry that it is to much for me right now. I feel so alone and unwanted. this was the girl that promised me she would never leave me. she promised me she would love me forever. everything that i thought was real was all a big lie. It hasn’t even been a week and I already don’t know what it was like to feel happy. How do people do it? how does one just wake up and not love anymore? not feel. i want to do that. i want to wake up tomorrow and just be okay.